10: try to stay up really late without your parents finding out

13: attempt to have a phone conversation with your friend / best friend / ‘friend’ without your parents picking up the phone*

16: revel in the glorious freedom your new driver’s license gives you… by hanging out at the mall

19: go to concert and then cheapest diner you can find because that stadium food is expensive

21: drink a fruity cocktail at the bar while trying not to make a face

25: put together new Ikea furniture before friends arrive to check out your new place

30: nice dinner out

35: consider hiring someone else to put together new Ikea furniture

40: zzzzz

*Before cellphones, most if not all houses had something called a land line. Ask your parents about it.

Rediscovery of Cadbury Creme Eggs (the ORIGINALS, not those caramel impostors)

Large Lego Project

Steam Sale (went to website for link = more games added to wishlist)

Quality Checking each holiday’s Sweettart gummies

Small Lego project

Finally learning how to play sudoku

YouTube videos about food, video games, cats riding around on roombas, how to make a tiny hot dog grill out of a Mike’s Hard Lemonade can, knitting, cats being jerks to other cats, top ten lists, lifehacks (make a chip bag into a BOWL, eat Cheetos without getting orange all over yourself, peel a kiwi super fast), Legos, bad lip syching, epic rap battles…

Contemplating next Lego project

The Sims

Lost in Ikea

Dec. 26th: of course the tree stays up until after New Year’s Day.

Jan. 2nd: it’s Saturday… I’m not doing this on a Saturday.

Jan. 4th: I’m pretty sure I have the sniffles.

Jan. 6th: right, let’s do this as soon as I’m done knitting this square.

Jan. 7th: I still have a Happy New Year wallpaper on my phone, so technically it’s still the holidays, right?

Jan. 9th: if only it wasn’t Saturday…

Jan. 11th: if you turn off the automatic timer, that counts as starting to take down your tree.

Jan. 12th: A Valentine’s day tree!

Voice In The Back of My Head: Psssttt….

Me: *continues video game*

VITBOMH: Ahem.

Me: *full concentration needed for perfect score on this level*

VITBOMH: *sigh* I know you can hear me. What a coincidence we’re at the computer.

Me: *perhaps knitting is a better way to occupy time*

VITBOMH: Anyway, I can’t help but notice there are but two days left in October.

Me: *Knit one, purl one. Knit one, purl one. Knit one, purl one.*

VITBOMH: Also that you are NOT going on a vacation in November this year.

Me: *KNIT ONE, PURL ONE. KNIT ONE, PURL ONE. KNIT ONE, PURL ONE.*

VITBOMH: We both know where this is going… National Novel Writer’s Month starts in two days.

Me: *radio obviously needs to be louder*

VITBOMH: THAT’S TWO. A SINGLE DAY AND ANOTHER SINGLE DAY.

Me: *any louder and neighbors may hear. consider possibility of them being Enya fans. turn radio back down.*

VITBOMH: From the obvious lack of outline I deduce we’re once again taking the ‘fly by the seat of our pants’ approach?

Me: *you know, I really need to wash that dish from lunch*

VITBOMH: Could we at least have the beginning of an outline?

Me: *ponder story idea while considering if it’s too late to vacuum*

VITBOMH: THE ONE IN YOUR HEAD DOESN’T COUNT. And seriously… the vacuum? You’re really reaching here.

Me: *if it’s too late to vacuum… maybe it’s time to go to bed?*

VITBOMH: *facepalm*

-Overheard at the MD Renaissance Festival

This started an amusing thought process on the long trek over Ye Olde Fields to my faithful chariot Sir Toyota. I had a pretty good idea of what I would do should the zombie apocalypse happen while I was munching on a scotch egg.

1. Grab as many scotch eggs as possible. Natch.
2. Procure wooden sword to whack potential zombies. (Pro Tip: If it yells ‘hey!’ it was just a drunk guy stumbling around.)
3. Strategically place self to maximize costumed people as buffer zone. Some of them have weapons, others are wearing quickness hindering hoop skirts / five inch heels / corsets tightened a tad too much.
4. Eat all the sherbet. It’s going to melt anyway.
5. Consider the climbing wall as a safe haven; laugh maniacally and keep moving.
6. Blown Glass Distraction:
   • Stop to admire the hand-blown glass.
   • Check fluttering price tags.
   • Ponder what post-apocalyptic currency will be.
   • Curse lack of bottle caps / bananas / gold.
7. Procure Steak on a Stake: protein + backup weapon = winner. If zombies have overrun SoaS stand, shed a tear and head for Chicken on a Lance stand.
8. Wait… is that gold over there? <inspection> Nope, shiny fakeness. No currency, but possible use as zombie distraction…?
9. The water supplies are probably contaminated, so you know, beer. And Mountain Dew. For energy.
10. Carbs are an important energy source. So… TWO orders of potato wedges. Hey, food supplies are important!

So, this is nature. It’s really pretty… is it always this hot?

I hope that huge steer with minotaur horns doesn’t find out I went to Fogo de Chao last night.

Let’s walk down this nice, wide, flat, well-maintained path through the woods. Perhaps it shall be only 108 in the shade.

Whee! I’m hiking!

Wait, what is this incline doing here.

THIS INCLINE IS NOT THE MAP.

Time for a water break with my new friend Mosley the Mosquito.

When out and about, one must have goals. My goal is that vending machine in the distance.

It’s a vending machine full of sunblock and band aids. A definite sign it’s time to find some a/c, which according to the map is up these stairs.

Oh my gosh how many stairs are there?

NO REALLY… HOW MANY STAIRS ARE THERE?!

Stop by visitor center for a drink. Forget water. I have earned a diet soda.

On the way home contemplate admitting nature is really not so bad.

Except for Mosley.

The Full Bar: Tunes for the road, games for lunch, research for blog posts, check the weather because… why not, download an app you’ll take off tomorrow, text like a mad thing, etc.

The Mighty Three Quarters: I could watch a movie!

The Bar Is Half Full: Let’s switch expectations from ‘movie’ to ‘YouTube’.

The Bar Is Half Empty: How did that happen? I only watched a few YouTube videos?! (Wait, what time is it?)

It’s Not Red Yet: One… A couple of…. I’m sure a few Ticket to Ride game(s) won’t matter.

20% Message of Warning: Okay need to conserve energy here. Only check things that are absolutely necessary. Like my Sims.

10% Message of Doom: WAIT. It was at 20% FIVE MINUTES AGO. All I did was VERY RESPONSIBLY send my Sims to work. Okay, deep breath… I can still get directions. I can still get directions. I can still get directions.

Nononononononononononononononono: HOW WILL I GET HOME WITH NO MUSIC IN MY CAR.

Red: Umph!

Purple: What the…

Gray: Hey! Stop pushing!

Red: I’m not pushing! I’m getting pushed!

Gray: Well… who’s pushing you?!

Red:  I don’t know, ask purple. He can see better from his angle.

Purple: Don’t look at me… I can’t see anything but a big, squishy, silver blob.

Silver: Are you calling me fat?!

Purple: …

Silver: Well, ARE YOU?!

Purple: Look, all I can see is you. From every. Single. Angle.

Silver: I am not fat! I am multi-ply bulky.

Red, Purple, and Gray: *snicker*

Silver: I WILL MAKE A BEAUTIFUL HAT ONE DAY.

<nothing can be heard above the laughter>

Light Camel with a Hint of Gold: I don’t know why you’re listening to them anyway. If anyone’s getting out of this box anytime soon, it’s you.

Gray: Oh, hi Tiny. I forgot you were down there. All the way at the bottom of the box.

LCwaHoG: I am smaller in stature because I’m CASHMERE. Not that you would understand anything about pedigree.

Gray: I understand it’s got about eighteen other skeins on top of it right now.

LCwaHoG: I would LOVE to continue this conversation, but my mother always taught me not to talk to MACHINE WASHABLE.

Red: Would you all shut up?! Who got pushed? And how?

Gray: How would I… WAIT… Is that…

All: DAYLIGHT!!!

*to be continued*

Breaking Cat News

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?*

The University of Victoria offers a science course about Batman.

March 26th is Spinach Day but also Make Up Your Own Holiday day. My new holiday is on December 1st and it’s called Spinach is Evil Day.

Can you tell I’m a fan?

How can they not know when the Badonkadonk will be back in stock?

Did you hear the one about the magic tractor?**

*Cashew!

**It was driving down the road and turned into a field!

And while there are MANY things I love about him, I managed to whittle the list down to ten of my favorites.

MY dad…

1. Researches his children’s strange new hobbies, not matter how far out of left field they are, and actively seeks out coupons / deals / exhibits in the Sunday paper to pass along.
2. Has at least  five puns for every situation. Even going into surgery.
3. Always has time for family.
4. Can eat more Smarties / Sweetarts / Peeps in a sitting than anyone. And all of anyone’s friends. Plus a few acquaintances.
5. Takes super good care of himself… even in the face of Boston crème pie. And let’s face it… that’s the ultimate test of willpower.
6. Can make pretty much anything out of wood or PVC pipe.
7. Puts a lot of thought and care into gifts.
8. Taught me the beauty of a well-designed spreadsheet.
9. Loves animals. He even put a tiny satellite dish on his birdhouse. No word yet on when he’ll add Fios.
10. Will sit patiently for three hours while his kids crack crabs, drink beer, and act goofy.

Bonus Round Nurses love him: he rarely complains, always tells bad jokes, and is generally pleasant even in a hospital gown.