Dear Yarn I am Using for My Current Project,

This letter regards recent behavior exhibited during the knitting of an awesome lace hat. Several things have been done during the course of this project to facilitate success. Among these are the following:

  • the purchase of fancy stitch markers to carefully delineate sections of knitting
  • protecting you from┬áthe cat
  • forgiving your incredibly small gauge and propensity for falling off the needle with the slightest tug
  • counting each section as I finished it to make sure I had the number of stitches I needed

All of the above were done with no swearing, eye rolling, or temper tantrums. Therefore, I request you answer the following question:


I was knitting happily along and found myself one stitch short. This is simply not possible after the precautions detailed above, therefore I must assume that either you or the cat slipped the stitch off the needle while I was sleeping. While I don’t doubt that His Imperial Highness would do such a thing, he wouldn’t have put the knitting back in the basket.

You have until tomorrow at 9:00 AM to get that stitch back, or further action may be necessary. This may include being made in to cat toy or wash rag.

Thank you.