I know it’s been a while…

Posted in Randomness by

I was on vacation :).

While trying to get myself back into the normal home routine, I watched Ken Burns’ documentary Prohibition. One of the interviewees commented that all you needed to get people to do something was make it illegal. That got me thinking…

Things That Should Be Made Illegal Immediately…

On the Road:

  1. driving at least the speed limit in the left lane of an interstate
  2. merging into the ‘cash only’ lane prior to getting to the toll booth, but only where the lane demarcation signs start 2 miles before the booth
  3. staying in your own lane when you have no reason to merge other than you’re bored with the lane you’re currently in

At the Supermarket:

  1. laying bread ON TOP of the canned goods
  2. having a maximum of 25 items in the supermarket lane clearly marked ’15 items or less’
  3. making sure the container of sushi a customer just bought is right side up in the bag

Life in General:

  1. taking your junk mail upstairs to your own trash can / recycle bin instead of throwing it on the ground
  2. parking in one space, between the lines
  3. free cupcakes

Going out to eat because…

Posted in Randomness by
  1. If I take home leftovers for lunch, I can count it as groceries.
  2. Taking pictures of the food for a blog qualifies as work.
  3. MY TEAM WON!!!
  4. my team lost…
  5. I’m saving energy by not opening my fridge.
  6. Going to take my family here the next time they’re in town… should make sure the quality is still up to standard.
  7. I didn’t scream in frustration when that car cut me off. A reward is clearly in order.
  8. Don’t want to go grocery shopping hungry.
  9. My cat told me to do it.
  10. I can practice my Italian pronunciation.

Plinky #something

Posted in Prompts, Randomness by

Prompt: Grab the nearest book. Open it and go to the tenth word. Do a Google Image Search of the word. Write about what the image brings to mind.

The word is doctor. Which is a little disappointing because it was a murder mystery; there are much better words in there.

What Comes to Mind:

  • Not one of these people is actually a doctor.
  • I should have invested in whatever company makes lab coats and / or stethoscopes.
  • Is there a penalty for not having a stethoscope with you? Like a little Smart car with a flashing light pulls up and writes you a ticket?
  • Why is that one cartoon doctor standing next to a pile of tires?
  • Mr. T as a doctor? Really? He probably came up with that automated blood pressure machine that tries to sever your arm in the name of medicine.
  • ProTip: Don’t let a small child hold the business end of your stethoscope while you’ve got it plugged into your ears. I’m just saying.
  • If my doctor’s smile was that big I’d wonder if they’d been in the medicine cabinet lately.
  • Blue: favorite color of doctors.
  • Did I mention that Dr. T has a gold stethoscope?
  • Enough. All these smiling doctors are creeping me out a little.

In which Vegemite makes me fail…

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Vegemite: You haven’t done a blog post yet this week. You’re going to do one now, right?

Me: Have you noticed how busy this week has been?

Vegemite: What busy? Making things in the crockpot? I think you need to stop playing Skyrim and write a blog post.

Me: I am right in the middle of finishing a forty minute quest. Please inform me at once that you are not serious.

Vegemite: I am Italian-restaurant-or-diner-for-lunch serious.

Me: Darn, there’s a troll in my way. They kill me with one swipe. Veg, why are you so worried about me writing on my blog?

Vegemite: The mustard says I smell bad and no one here likes me. I want you to tell the world it’s not true!

Me: Look, if the mustard says that again remind it that it’s full of blue cheese, which makes it smell not so awesome itself. Now be quiet, I need to concentrate on sneaking up on this troll.

Vegemite: It’s not just the mustard. The hot sauce has a major attitude and keeps talking about how important it is because you use it almost every day. You’ve only used me once.

Me: Cream cheese, cherry tomatoes, and Vegemite on hearty toast is delicious. Vegemite and fajita chicken… not so much. Arg… the troll saw me! RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!

Vegemite: I don’t understand this game. Is your character supposed to spin around like that and fall on the ground? What’s a reloading screen?

Me: It’s what happens when you lose concentration because your condiments start talking to you.

Vegemite: Oh. Well, about that blog post…

I ate it and survived!

Posted in Food by

Yes I ate it.

Yes I am still alive.

Yes I am running around like crazy because I have a million things to do before tomorrow.

Wait… You didn’t ask about that.

Anyway, I did eat the mighty Vegemite, and a blog post is coming soon. I promise.

Plinky: What have you been putting off doing? Why?

Posted in Prompts by

“Use a picture. It’s worth a thousand words.” -Arthur Brisbane

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This really needs no explanation, does it.

When I talked to people about trying this legendary food as part of the Mt. Foodmore Eating Strange Snacks From Other Places Plan, the looks / significant phone pauses I received made me pretty darn a little nervous. The jar I bought on a whim remained unopened in my cabinet. I was going to get around to it, really, but maybe, maybe something tragic would happen. Like a long passed expiration date (and by long passed I mean three and a half minutes). But alas, this feisty condiment was built to last.

Now I know I could retire from the field of battle and no one would blame me, since the reputation of Vegemite is somewhere around the durian / stinky tofu level. But for some weird reason I’m determined to go ahead. After all, it’s beloved by an entire continent of people, so there’s a slim possibility it won’t make me weep, right?

Right?

10 Signs You’re a Restaurant Regular

Posted in Food, Lists by
  1. The server brings you iced tea right when you sit down. No matter which server it is.
  2. You get a little panicked when they take you to ‘a different table.’
  3. They recognize you at the grocery store…
  4. … And check to see what food you actually buy for your house.
  5. You take a picture of your plate, then realize you already have one of the same dish.
  6. You know the name of the owner…
  7. … And he shakes your hand when he seats you.
  8. They’ve stopped bringing over the oil and vinegar, because they know you never use it.
  9. Your server’s recommended desserts list? The ones she knows you’ve tried.
  10. Your friends are coming for dinner on Saturday, and on Thursday morning you’re wondering if three visits in a week is too much.

The Museum of Popular Culture Presents

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2013: A Look Back at the Pre-Teleportation Era

Celebrating the 100th anniversary of the site on which our museum now stands, this exhibit features items found when the building was purchased and converted into the space you see today . Here are some of the can’t miss highlights:

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Although some researchers have dated this artifact to the year 2012, it is mentioned throughout historical records well into 2013. Using complex mathematical calculations to determine the time and effort spent on the program has led scientists to conclude it was part time employment.

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Part of the basic food groups, this item marked anyone who ate it.  Very difficult to erase, this mark allows others in the group to easily confirm which members were accessing the food supply.

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This liquid was a primary source of hydration. Other varieties have been found, but the sheer number of cases found at this location alone suggests a deep preference for this drink.

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Scientists are not sure about the purpose of these woven pieces, but leading researchers postulate they were some form of dwelling decoration. Included in the collection are different sizes, shapes, and colors, all attached to pointed sticks. Perhaps these sticks were used in conjunction with the attached yarn to mount the pieces to the walls. We may never have the answer to this mystery.

Thank you for visiting our museum, and we hope you enjoy the exhibit!

Prompt:

It’s the year 2113. A major museum is running an exhibition on life and culture as it was in 2013. You’re asked to write an introduction for the show’s brochure. What will it say?

On another sunny afternoon…

Posted in Out & About, Randomness by

Me: Hmm… going for crabs in a few hours and I just got off from work. It’s not raining, so what to do?

Siri: ahem

Me *rustles with map* Let’s see… not too familiar with Baltimore, but there must be something in that area I’d like to check off the list.

Siri: AHEM

Me *studies map and consults Great Oracle the internet*

Siri: You can only ignore me for so long.

Me: Actually, all I have to do is think back to my glorious CIA adventure and I can ignore you quite well.

Siri: Look, we all have days when perhaps we are over confident in our facts. Besides, there was a road there. It’s not my fault the CIA fenced it off.

Me *goes back to studying map*

Siri: And let’s face facts here. You’re going to need me to get wherever you’re going, so you might as well clue me in now.

Me: Until your battery runs down.

Siri: You will recall that on the trip in question I was giving directions, finding places to go, taking pictures, and playing music FOR THE ENTIRE DAY.

Me: True.

Siri: Not to mention I found that great restaurant in Fredericksburg for you.

Me: Also true.

Siri: So where are we going?

Me *types in address*

Siri: Woo hoo! New Mexico here we come!

Me *sigh*: We are not going to New Mexico.

Siri: Sure we are! Look, it’s right there in the address! Turn on this road and head towards New Mexico!

Me: New Mexico. In Baltimore.

Siri: Yep. Right there, ‘N.M.’

Me: N.M. stands for ‘National Monument’, not New Mexico.

–Later–

Siri: Well it’s certainly feels like it’s 3000 degrees out here, but I always thought New Mexico was less humid.

Me *facepalm*